A Stressful Trigger Day & Next Steps

Today was such a roller coaster ride so be prepared for a vent session and a long post.  Like I had posted earlier today, my ultrasound appointment was horrible and I just had this gut feeling about it the second I saw the look on Dr. Rhoton's face when she saw my pelvic fluid.  They always beat around the bush and they can never tell you definitive answers of what the plan would be when you ask.  Before even starting the ultrasound, I inquired about how Dr. Williams had said over the weekend that we were a candidate for a possible "freeze all embryos cycle."  I wanted to know what their magic cut off numbers were for labs and whatnot.  She just said "well lets take a look at your follicles and we'll see what your estradiol level comes back at."  This left me with a little ray of hope that maybe if my estradiol wasn't too high we still would have a chance.  I even joked with Laura, my lab tech, saying it was her job to make sure my estrogen level wasn't through the roof.  Laura seemed to be concerned with a magic number around 5000 so I thought I should be golden and for sure less than that.  I never even imagined that I would already be spilling fluid from my ovaries and THAT would be the reason they cancelled my cycle. 

Well I went to work after they found the fluid and I had a breakdown to Justin on the phone.  They warn you that none of these hyperstimulation symptoms will start until after you take your trigger shot that starts the ovulation process and I was scheduled to take that tonight.  I thought that I was going to have such a bad reaction and I was going to be throwing up, be hospitalized, or the absolute worst- DIE!  I was dizzy, crying, shaky, and a nervous wreck.  He was able to calm me down and reassured me that I would be fine but I am still anxious.  I will be staying with my mother in law for most of the day tomorrow to provide some distraction and rest from the crazy dogs.  

So Melinda said I have a new job to make sure that I am EXTRA hydrated with electrolyte replacements and eating salty foods the next week to help with reabsorption of the fluid.  She told me about these Propel drinks which will be great for me because they taste EXACTLY like gatorade but have 0 carbs and 0 calories and lots of flavors.  I have to have 4 bottles a day of Propel! (That's 2 Liters a day!) PLUS another 32oz of water on top of that.  I am going to be peeing every hour for sure and it needs to be clear. 

Later in the day, I found out that my estrogen came back at 3823.  I got so excited thinking hey! That's not THAT bad!  My LH and progesterone numbers were great as well.  Melinda said all the clinic doctors wanted to sit down and have a conference over what to do with the remainder of my cycle.  I guess they all discussed my case and determined that it is best for me to do a freeze all embryos cycle.  The reasoning wasn't so much my estrogen number but more because of my number of follicles I had formed and the fluid they found.  I can't believe I am up to almost 40 follicles now. I was expecting this so it wasn't that much of a shocker at work but don't get me wrong- I still cried and was upset. 

I learned that I needed to take Lupron as my trigger shot and I had to find a way to pick it up at the Shands Medical Plaza Pharmacy before they closed at 5pm and I was at work.  Luckily, Justin got out of work early and was able to go to the pharmacy for me but then they had an issue with getting the medicine.  I started crying again thinking I had to take this medication EXACTLY at 9pm and I had 30 minutes to get them to figure out how in the world they would give me my dose.  They had used their last kit to make the medicine earlier in the day when they thought I was needing a different dosage.  Because it was already diluted, they were telling Justin that they didn't have any more to make the dose I needed.  I am so thankful that Melinda was able to call them with like 5 minutes to spare and they were able to get it all squared away.  I still am unsure of how exactly they worked it out but I got my shot and I gave it on time! Phew! 

My trigger shot! 

So what is next?  I go in tomorrow for a progesterone level to make sure that I am about to ovulate.  I will still get these little eggie-weggies (as I like to call them) out of me on Thursday at 8am.  I think I have to show up at the office at 6:30am- eww!  They will fertilize as many as Justin has sperm for.  I'll go home and rest and they will call me the next day with how many embryos survived fertilization.  I will get phone calls on day 3 and day 5 of life to be updated on how many there are left.  Melinda says I should expect a decrease of 50-70% of our embryos by day 5!  It's crazy to think how much I have been through to see so many die.  They will freeze all the embryos that survive until day 6 of life.  Dear lord baby jesus please make this all worth it and have at least a handful to freeze!

Then I will take more Ganirelix after the retrieval to tell my body to immediately shut down and go back to normal.  Within 4 to 10 days, I will get a withdrawal bleed and then I have to wait for an official period to come on my own before starting birth control again.  This is the worst fear for me because my periods are so irregular and sometimes didn't even come.  Last time, it took a month of birth control pills to regulate my body and then I had a period 37 days later!  Sometimes I would go 3 or 4 months without one.  I am hoping from all of these hormones, I will still be regulated somewhat and it will only be a month between cycles. 

After 14 days of birth control, I can start the frozen embryo transfer process.  This is A LOT different than what I just went through.  I have to take all different medications!  I will be on Lupron for 10 days of more suppression and then do another mock transfer. Then I start estrogen patches instead of injections for 14 days of stimulation.  They slowly increase these over time and I will get to a point where I wear 4 patches at once!  My estrogen needs to be at least 150 to transfer.  That is way better than almost 4000 and they don't have to do daily labs or ultrasounds!  Then I have to start taking progesterone 3x a day for 6 days to prepare my uterine lining and one of those times daily will be the intramuscular oil shot in my butt!  Not looking forward to those.  The embryos end up getting transferred day 28 of stimulation.  The whole process is a lot longer and around 2 months time.  I guess the earliest that I could start would be the end of July with a transfer date sometime in Fall.  

This whole process is so devastating and I can only imagine how I would feel during a failed IVF cycle that didn't work.  There's nothing more frustrating than to think that everything fertility related to you ends up getting screwed up and never working out.  You really start to question whether you are doing the right thing by putting your money, time, and body through this when nothing positive comes from it.  I like to think of this as just a little delay and not a failed attempt but I still can't help but be upset and frustrated.  I will get over it and be back to my positive self tomorrow but as for tonight I am just going to be mad at the world and stay clear from anything baby.  Trying to stay positive and remember that I still have future babies in me right now and at least enjoy the last few days of being bloated. :)

Praises:  Everyone has been so understanding and supportive of my emotional meltdowns and for that- I am so thankful!  My medications for the rest of the year will be free since I spent so much money already this year.  I will have more time to work on the house and get it baby ready.  Lots of kisses tonight from my concerned puppies!

My Tuckeroo <3

Prayers:  That everything will go well with my blood sugars during retrieval.  One sperm for every egg!  A short menstrual cycle.  That we will find the money for our frozen transfer in a few months. (they can be up to an additional $6000!)